Dear Neighbors

Came home from Woody’s tonight to find this note waiting for Matt and myself:

Hi – Dear Neighbor, –

I came up to talk w/ you but you are out. I have to be at work very early ( I teach High School) each day. City Ordinance for noise is 10 pm. Please respect Quite hours in this complex; everyone here worksin the am. Im in bed by 10, so is Le. (your next door neighbor)

My bedroom is the last room back. And yes, I can hear everything. So, yes, you woke me up several timis [sic] last night. I’d appreciate it if you could please remember: I’ve asked twice now! ๐Ÿ™‚ Also, if youre in the living room I don’t seem to hear you at night. Hope thats helpful.

Thank you for your consideration.



You have got to be kidding me. I probably shouldn’t get this wound up about it, but I really just want to scream, “What the fuck?!?” Yes, you came up stairs last night and explained how you were trying to sleep since 10pm and we were keeping you up. I apologized for being noisy, even though we weren’t. But please, don’t start our relationship off like this. I’ll admit when I’m wrong, but when you start asking for unreasonable things like this…bortaS bIr jablu’DI’, reH QaQqu’ nay’.

I’m also tired of being treated like a teenager. And she never asked twice. I think someone needs some remedial math skills….”Okay kids! Counting starts at one. And what comes after one? Two! That’s right!”

Here’s my imaginary letter I’m going to write to La:

Dear Neighbor,

Thank you for sharing your concerns. Sorry both of us were out, one of the side effects of being social, I guess. I understand that you have to be up very early. I go to college, just in case you were not aware of this fact. One of the great things about college is all the studying we have to do. Unfortunately, this often keeps us up late. While we try our best to keep quite, it is regrettable that we sometimes are louder then 10dB.

I also appreciate your concern for Le. It is very admirable for you to stick up for her, especially since she is no longer in grade school.

Regarding placement of your bedroom, the location is unfortunate. I would suggest moving it to another location. I have found that I do not often occupy the kitchen after 10pm, so if you were to locate your bedroom under the Northeastern most area of our complex, you should find it much quieter.

I would also be willing to buy you a pair of ear plugs.

I also took the liberty to lookup the ordinance in question and regret to inform you that no such ordinance exists. For your records, the closest law I was able to fine is:

8.04.310 Disturbing the peace/persons

It is unlawful for any person to disturb or tend to disturb the peace of others by violent, tumultuous, offensive or obstreperous conduct, by loud or unusual noises, or by unseemly, profane, obscene or offensive language; or for any person to permit any such conduct in any house or upon any premises owned, possessed, managed or controlled by such person or persons so that others in the vicinity are or may be disturbed. (Ord. 1142, 1992; Ord. 626 ร‚ยง1, 1970).

Just to be thorough, I also elected to search the Colorado Revised Statutes. Again, I regret to inform you that no such law exists. If you believe that my search is erroneous, I would appreciate the precise listing of the law you paraphrased in your earlier letter.

Thank you for your cooperation,


P.S. Suck my balls.


That’s what I would like to write. In reality. I’m not going to do a single thing about it, except post this short little rant about it. God bless the Internet.