Top 30 “Facts” About Mr. T

From 4q.cc/t:

1. The last man who made eye contact with Mr. T was Ray Charles.
2. Every time a church bell rings, Mr. T pities a fool.
3. Mr T’s chains are not made of gold, they are actually made of curium, one of the heaviest elements in existence. They were put there by the CIA to slow him down, and you’re lucky they do, fool.
4. 5 out of 5 doctors recommend not pissing off Mr. T.
5. Children are afraid of the dark. Dark is afraid of Mr. T.
6. Mr. T doesn’t pity anyone who likes the Black Eyed Peas. He just kills them.
7. Mr. T speaks only when necessary. His main form of communication is folding his arms and slowly shaking his head. And regardless of the situation, he is always understood.
8. Mr. T hates playing ‘Rock Paper Scissors’ because he doesn’t believe anything could beat rock. He always chooses rock, and when someone throws paper, he says,”I win.” If someone is foolish enough to dispute this, he takes his clenched fist and punches them in the face, then says, “I thought your paper would protect you.”
9. When Mr. T folds his arms, the U.S. Terror Alert Level is raised to gold.
10. Mr T. and Chuck Norris decided to spar, they travelled to the only safe place in the Universe, the beginning of time. They bowed to each other and Chuck launched in with a roundhouse kick. Mr. T blocked it, and the resulting pressure wave is commonly called the Big Bang.
11. Mr.T once punched Chuck Norris at the exact moment he roundhouse kicked Mr.T in the chest. the result was the 80’s.
12. Mr. T doesn’t breathe, air just hides in his lungs for protection.
13. Mr. T’s Mohawk is not held up by hair gel, his hair is just scared of him and is trying to get as far away as possible.
14. Mr. T once captured Bigfoot, but released him after he shaved the beast and realized that it was just Chuck Norris walking around naked in the woods.
15. Mr. T does not actually pity fools. He is just being sarcastic. No one has noticed because it is difficult to pick up such subtleties while being bludgeoned.
16. 23. That’s the number of people Mr. T has pitied in the time it has taken you to read this sentence.
17. Mr. T invented fools. Realizing the magnitude of his folly, he then created Pity.
18. Ever have a sharp pain in your chest that you can’t explain? That was Mr. T, and it was a warning.
19. Mr. T always drives on the right side of the road, no matter where he is in the world.
20. Human females have two X chromosomes. Males have an X and a Y. Mr. T has three Ys and a T. He’s more man than you’ll ever be.
21. Mr. T coined the phrase, “I see dead people,” after the waiting staff at Denny’s forgot his birthday.
22. On the A-team, Face , Haniabal, and Murdoch were all masters of disguise. Mr T didn’t have to wear a disguise. The bad guys didn’t recognize him out of fear.
23. When Mr. T was circumsized his foreskin was not disposed of. Instead it was raised as a normal child, and it grew to love the game of basketball. Today we know Mr. T’s foreskin as Shaquille O’Neal.
24. Mr. T was once involved in a head-on car crash, and he was the only survivor. Mr. T was walking at the time.
25. Mr. T is not black. It’s just that the sun is to afraid to shine on him.
26. Mr. T is the reason the sky is blue. Don’t ask stupid questions.
27. When Mr. T received his star on Hollywood’s Walk of Fame, he made his hand prints after the cement was dry.
28. Mr. T. does not break wind. He destroys it.
29. Mr. T once ate four 72 oz. steaks in 12 minutes. He spent the first 5 minutes laughing at the fact it takes Chuck Norris fifteen minutes to eat three.
30. Mr. T puts the laughter in manslaughter.