I Swear To God, I’m Talking to a Computer

I’ve pretty much had it up to here with Comcast:

chat id : 3d385733-1aac-485c-b4eb-b9ff1e671636
Problem : Connection/Speed
Curtis > Thank you for contacting Comcast, my name is Curtis, may I ask who I am speaking with and how I may assist you?
Andrew > Andrew, and we are having speed problems
Curtis > I apologize for the inconvenience Andrew, I understand you have an issue with your connection, I believe we can straighten this issue out. May I ask if you have tried powercycling the modem at all?
Andrew > Yes, several times
Curtis > Are you connected through a router or hub at this time?
Andrew > This has been a commen occerance at this location and hasnt been resolved yet
Andrew > router
Curtis > One moment please, while I access your account information.
Andrew > ..and we’ve tried disconnecting the router and pluging straight in and it still doesn’t help
Curtis > I have just sent a diagnostic test to your cable modem, Andrew. You have a very high ping time. The term ‘pinging’ refers to sending a few small files from one computer to another and timing how long it takes, so a low ping is what you want. There are a few possibilities for this. It is possible that there is maintenance in your area, causing a slow connection. As well, I would suggest disabling your router, just to verify if this hardware is causing this latency. Or there could be a problem in the node you are on, or the lines, or your modem. If you like I can send a technician to your house to investigate it. If it turns out that it is something non-comcast related, there is a possible charge of up to $49.95. Would you like me to schedual a technician for you?
Andrew > we’ve had a technicial out here twice before
Andrew > i would need you to send a tech out today
Curtis > I apologize, Andrew, that cannot be done. This is a national call center, technicians are sent by local dispatch based on availability. Would you like me to schedule an appointment to have a technician come out to investigate this issue further?
Andrew > Can I talk with someone in local disbatch to have a technician sent out today. It is of upmost importance that our connection issue be resolved.
Curtis > I apologize, Andrew, that cannot be done. If you wish, I can schedule a technician for you right now through this chat, based on availability in your area. Would you like to do that?
Andrew > I would like your superviser to call me. 206-948-1701
Curtis > I apologize, Andrew, we cannot make outbound calls. As well, a supervisor will also be unable to send a technician to your house today. A supervisor will not tell you any differently than I already have.
Curtis > Is there anything else I can help you with today?
Andrew > Please supply me with a number I can call to talk with a live support person
Curtis > You may speak with an agent over the phone by calling 1.888.COMCAST, however, an agent over the phone will also be unable to assist you further as well, Andrew. I would suggest you inquire about having a technician sent to your house.
Andrew > I would suggest Comcast figure out what the deal is. I’m on the Direct TV website right now getting ready to order Direct TV. I’ll be sure to mention your advice in helping me switch to Direct TV.
Curtis > Is there anything else I can help you with today?
Andrew > Case #
Curtis > I do not understand what you are referring to, Andrew. May I ask what “Case #” you are referring to?
Andrew > Can I get a case # please?
Curtis > Absolutlely, your ticket number is: CR046642457.
Curtis > I apologize, haven’t recieved a message from you in some time, if I do not recieve a message from you, unfortunately, I may have to end this chat.
Curtis > I haven’t recieved a message from you in over 2 minutes, I will have to end this chat. Please chat back if you are having any issues that haven’t been resolved. Thank you for contacting Comcast.
Curtis > Analyst has closed chat and left the room

I’m looking to see when Verizon will get FiOS. I’m also checking out Qwest/DirecTV bundles. Anything else I should look at?